PILOT REVIEW: Crossbones

CROSSBONES

Starring: John Malkovich, Richard Coyle, Claire Foy, Yasmine All Massri, David Hoflin, Chris Perfetti, Tracy Ifeachor

Created by Neil Cross, James V. Hart, and Amanda Welles
Written by Neil Cross, James V. Hart, & Amanda Welles, Directed by David Slade

Crossbones is a new pirate drama from NBC, and it is a fictionalized account of the famous Blackbeard (John Malkovich). Also in the story is Tom Lowe (Richard Coyle), a British spy posing as a doctor who is captured by Blackbeard. Rounding out the main cast is Kate (Claire Foy), a former Lady now called a traitor, pirate Nenna (Tracy Ifeachor), and Lowe's friend Fletch (Chris Perfetti).

THE GOOD: I don't have much to say here. I guess I like the idea of a pirate-themed drama and John Malkovich was interesting casting. I wish they had given him more to do.

THE BAD: I was bored to tears by this pilot. It was all so generic and boring while Malkovich's talent is wasted. From the first fight scene, which was unnecessarily long and violent, to the reveal of Malkovich, nothing went right. The show teased a second of Malkovich early on and that made me hopeful but when it finally got to a scene with Blackbeard, it was underwhelming. The show seemed to be going for some shocking moments but it came across pretty cheap. None of the other actors made much of an impression on me. I always know it's a bad thing when I have to go look up a synopsis because I was too bored to figure out which character is played by which actor.

BOTTOM LINE: I can see why Crossbones has been lingering around NBC since it was first announced in 2012. It is very worthy of a summer burnoff because there is nothing to see here. This is one of those shows I will never give another look too and I'm fine with that.